Sick Mode

Last week, my husband came down with a nasty head cold. He was a sore throated, achy, whiny mess of a man. Do you remember that iconic NyQuil commercial where that grown man asks his wife to call his mom because he's sick? No? Well, let me remind you:

The man in this commercial is my husband. No, not really...this guy is some actor, but when it comes to being sick, this man and my partner are proof that the "man cold" is a real thing. I'm not ragging on guys though. Nobody is overly lovely when sick. And how could we be? We are too busy being feverish, wheezing, coughing, mucus-monsters. There's no room for rational thought or sweet words when one is scraping the layers of one's nose skin off with what those lying bastards call "extra soft" tissues. Calming lotion my ass.

Anyways, in my house, when one of us turns into the aforementioned mucous-monster, we initiate what we call "Sick Mode." Here's how it works:

Step 1: The healthy partner stocks the house with "head cold necessities" (chicken soup, fizzy drinks, grilled cheese supplies, cold medication, and kleenex). The healthy partner makes a special trip to the store to obtain these items regardless of when the normal grocery trip is scheduled or what's on sale.

Step 2: The healthy partner encourages the sick partner to stay in bed, lie on the couch, and if need be, stay home from work while in the throes of illness (no need to spread germs). This step may also involve blanket swooshes*, pillow fluffing, magic bag heating, toe-pulling**, and bubble bath preparation.

Step 3: The healthy partner makes or picks up meals, makes tea/coffee, reheats tea/coffee, and encourages the sick partner to eat and drink lots of fluids. It's important to note that during sick mode, calories do not exist. This means that if the sick partner wants fried chicken, ice-cream, or pizza for every meal, then it shall be done! (Our usual "sick food" is chicken strips and potato wedges from the local Safeway deli.)

Step 4: The healthy partner expects no home-support from the sick partner. No dog walking, dishwasher filling, bathroom cleaning, meal preparation, etc. is to be completed by the sick partner during "Sick Mode." The only acceptable past times for the sick partner are: reading ebooks/books, listening to audiobooks, playing video games, cuddling the dog, and watching Netflix.

After several rounds of "Sick Mode," I've come to realize a couple of things about my partner. First, he does not handle being sick well; he whines, complains, and pouts during the whole process***. Which is surprisingly adorable, coming from a 6'2 grown man. Especially, when all it takes to put a smile on his face, is a blanket, the PS4 controller, and a well-timed glass of Ginger Ale.

Second, he likes the idea of a bubble bath much more than an actual bath. He wants to be offered a bubble bath, but rarely will he actually partake in one. I will say "Honey, do you want a bath?" To which he will reply, "Oh that sounds nice, maybe in 20 minutes?" After 20 minutes passes, he'd rather just go to bed. This exact interaction happens every single time I offer; however, if I didn't offer, he'd get upset and claim that I am not following the rules of "Sick Mode" properly. Therefore, I will continue offering, he'll continue refusing and we'll both continue on.

Third, when sick, he could go for days without eating ... unless I offer to order

in Chinese food. Normally, we have a relationship rule that disallows takeout during the week. (We created this rule in an attempt to be healthy and financially responsible adults. However, "Sick Mode" overrules financial responsibility.) My partner cashes in on "Sick Mode" Chinese food orders so frequently that I'm actually beginning to think that he gets sick just so that he has an excuse to order in cheap, terrible Chinese for supper. You know the kind of Chinese I'm talking about. The kind that has the extra thick sauces and deep fried everything. The kind that no self-respecting Chinese person would ever actually eat. The kind that gives you distinctly decisive poops after ingesting. Gross right? Well, they usually have pretty good special chicken chow-mien.

Anyways, our "Sick Mode" may system sound ridiculous, but it's actually awesome. The sick partner gets nothing but love, rest, and support from the healthy partner and because we've mapped out the expectations, there is no resentment and no fighting. Usually, by the time the sick partner is healthy, they have given the illness to the previously healthy partner, so we swap roles. And as soon as we are both healthy again, we resume our normal chore routine (check out my post on the Ten Minute Tidy).

"Sick Mode" is probably one of our very best relationship rules. Try it out and let me know what you think! (Or don't, your call.)

Best,

Laura

*blanket swooshes - when one partner lies on a bed or couch and the other partner grasps the edge of the blanket, lifts it, and swooshes the blanket up and over the supine person so that it lays flat again. There is nothing better than someone making the bed/swooshing the blankets while you lie there.

**toe-pulling - when your partner's toes are grasped and gently pulled until the toe-knuckles crack or your partner feels a nice stretch AKA this super awkward/semi gross thing my partner asks me to do for him all the time. It results in me making disgusted faces and feeling the immediate need to wash my hands after touching his dragon feet.

***If I'm being honest, I too am just the worst kind of human when sick. I too whine, complain and pout through the whole ordeal.