Land Before Time
Picture this, I come home from work last Friday, walk into the living room, and find my husband and brother-in-law in the throes of the timeless cinematic classic: Land Before Time. If you've never seen this movie, here's the too long, didn't watch version: (Although, it's only like 69 minutes long...so you really have no excuse).
Released in 1988, this film follows, Littlefoot, (Brontosaurus) and his friends Cera (Triceratops), Ducky (Saurolophus), Spike (Stegosaurus), and Petrie (Pteranodon) who are separated from their herds due to a large earthquake. Together, these unlikely friends journey to the "Great Valley" to find their families and live happily ever after. It sounds like a lovely little film doesn't it? Wrong!
The first half of the movie is the most depressing thing you'll ever watch. Why?! Well, because these things happen:
First, Littlefoot's mother has to protect him from a "Sharptooth" (Tyrannosaurus Rex) attack and in the process, is injured so badly that she dies (grab your KIeenex now).
Image by Universal Studios via Buzzfeed
Next, Littlefoot, sees his own shadow, mistakes it for his dead mother and chases it, calling for his mother until he painstakingly realizes that it's not his mother (begin sobbing).
Image by Universal Studios via Pinterest
Then, during a large earthquake, dinosaurs are shown falling off cliffs into lava below (stop sobbing long enough to be shocked, then proceed with the sobbing)
Image by Universal Studios via Buzzfeed
Then, upon the realization that his mother has died, Littlefoot begins his journey, carrying with him the "tree star" leaf his mother gave him. Understandably, Littlefoot is deeply depressed. He refuses to eat or interact with other dinosaurs (wonder why we let children watch this movie and keep sobbing).
It was during this highly depressing sequence of events that I walked into last week. And I'll tell you, walking into your living room to find two fully grown adult males sitting on your couch suddenly "getting something in their eyes" is a bit of a shocker. What's a girl to do in that situation? Why, put on sweat pants, settle yourself between the hulking, beasts and watch with rapt attention the movie that no one without children has watched in the last 15 years.
Unfortunately, the terrors in this movie aren't over yet. The baby dinosaurs are all alone, desperately trying to escape on the Sharptooth and hungry. When they aren't being chased by the Sharptooth with the crazy big teeth and stoner-red eyes, they're being mean to each other and squabbling amongst themselves about which direction to go in order to get to the Great Valley.
Image by Universal Studios via Fandom
Finally, just when you think that there's a happy ending about to be had, as the five baby dinosaurs begin to be friends and work together as a team, they come together to plot and carry out 1st degree murder (seriously!) They squish the Sharptooth with a large boulder and drown him in the lake. (However, Littlefoot's lawyer would likely be able to argue it down to 2nd Degree murder since the baby dinosaurs were acting in self defense).
Image by Universal Studios via Fandom
And after all those terrifying, awful events, the dinosaurs follow a cloud shaped like Littlefoot's mother to the Great Valley, where they are rejoined with their families, who live happily ever after...until the next seven movies are released. It's an absolutely ridiculous movie/series. And yet, if anyone ever makes fun of you for crying during it, then they truly have no soul.
Best,
Laura
