If you're a Leg, I'm a Leg
Drake and I began dating in High school. After graduating, we moved (separately) to the same city to attend university. My mother often reminded me not to make any important life decisions based on Drake, because "it's unlikely you'll feel the same about each other in five years." Unbelievably, she was not trying to be cruel and I was not offended that she did not think Drake and I would make it. Very few relationships last through moving to a new city, attending university, and attaining a career, especially those formed during adolescence.
Based on the knowledge that we were unlikely to make it, Drake and I took our relationship day by day, month by month, and year by year, adhering to one simple rule: If at any time one of us wanted to be with someone else, we would phone the other person and abruptly end the relationship. No cheating allowed. Days, months, and years passed and still we wanted to be together. I finished my undergraduate degree and began my Master's program while Drake moved to another city, five hours away for work. Through it all; we remained committed to each other. When Drake's work term ended, and it was time to move back, we contemplated moving in together. Surprisingly, this was a decision I struggled with. I loved Drake and wanted to move in with him. But I'd spent so many years listening to my mother's rhetoric of not making important life decisions based on Drake, that it was difficult for me to move him to the forefront of my planning rather than the background. (I want to make it clear that in this issue, I am alone. Drake has never had difficulty putting me first, which is perhaps a large part of why I love him so much.)
Fast forward a couple years. We'd been living together and I no longer had difficulty planning my life around Drake. However, as we began planning our wedding, I became painfully aware of what a burden I was/am. I had just finished school and owed thousands of dollars in personal and student loans. My personal assets consisted of a car that was just about old enough to legally vote, mediocre kitchen supplies, a bed, and a closet full of clothing that no one else would want. Yes, I had just started working and therefore had income coming in, but after living off a strict fixed budget of student loans for the previous six years, I didn’t know how to handle my paychecks. I’d consistently put too much money on my debts, leaving me all but destitute until my next paycheck.
Fortunately, Drake is nothing if not steadfast. While I panicked, whined, and cried, he calmed, reasoned with, and hugged whenever necessary. He never complained that I was constantly broke even though I made more money than him. He never let me miss out on opportunities due to their cost. And though it all, he constantly told me: “I’m a leg, you’re a leg. When one of us limps, the other carries the weight.” He consistently offered to give me money. Give not lend, because “we’re a unit” and what is his is also mine. At first, this was difficult for me to understand, I had prided myself on being able to make it through my schooling via my own financial resourcefulness and a combination of loans, grants, and scholarships. Therefore, it was difficult for me to consider Drake’s help. Also, I didn’t want it. I wanted to be able to do it on my own. Nevertheless, it was nice to know that he had my back if I needed
him.
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For Drake and I, this amazing concept applies to more than just financial issues (though to be honest, finances are my biggest source of stress). If either one of us is emotionally or physically drained, the other person steps up and handles the situation until we are both standing solid again. Even though we are both strong, independent people, we always know that we can count on the other person to carry our weight should the time arise. And this, I think, is one of the most important parts of a relationship. It is much easier to be strong for yourself than it is to be strong for someone else. You will understand this if you have ever had to hold your significant other while they were upset or grieving; especially, if it involved crying. Receiving comfort is so much easier than offering it. There is nothing harder than whispering comforting words and holding someone tight, when all you want to do it join in. But I’m a leg and he’s a leg and if he can’t stand, I’ll do whatever I can to hold us both up.
Make sure you find someone who does the same for you.
Best,
Laura
