Cheesecake

One of the funniest interactions I've had with Drake in the last few months, happened as we were getting ready to go to a friend's fancy birthday dinner. I was sitting at my vanity in our master bedroom blow drying my hair clad only in a bra and tights. (Getting blow-dry sweaty is a legitimate issue for me so I always wait until the last possible minute to put on real clothes.) Anyways, Drake comes out of the shower, stops beside me and says, "What did you put on?" I silence the blow dryer, look at Drake, look at myself, and look at Drake again. It's super obvious that I put on tights and a bra. Me, sitting at my vanity semi-nude is not a new occurrence for us. Granted, I don't wear tights very often, but it's not that novel of an idea. So, being the epitome of grace and elegance that I am, I respond with, "Uh...?" Hoping this post-shower goof will rapidly turn back into the super intelligent fellow I married. Drake helpfully clarifies as he heads for his closet, "You smell."

This inspires a legitimate reaction from me. How the f*%k can I smell?! I got out of the shower mere minutes ago and I haven't farted. I take a quick inventory of possible odours, "Uh, deodorant, lotion, hair goop..." as my inner monologue runs wild. Has one of my lotions or hair products gone rancid? The blow-dryer induced hot flash can't have made me that sweaty, could it? I'm about to have dinner with a restaurant full of people and we have to leave the house in 15 minutes. I absolutely cannot smell bad right now! I'm a nanosecond away from ripping off said tights and bra and jumping right back in the shower when Drake says, "You smell like cheesecake! Do we have time for sex!?" (Cheesecake image via 123RF)

Honestly, I've never been so flattered and pissed off at the same time. On one hand, I wasted precious time contemplating potential unpleasant body odours when I could have been focusing on artfully applying concealer to cover the luggage under my eyes. On the other hand, that's a super funny way to be propositioned for sex by one's partner. Who knew that my cocoa butter lotion mixed with my fruit scented deodorant would scream "let's have sex" better than any fancy perfume? Unfortunately, we care more about arriving to events relatively on time than having quickies. So, no. We did not have time for sex. (Margaret, I hope you appreciated our sacrifice.)

Although Drake and I have never been the type to text each other d$%k pics or eggplant emojis when we're feeling frisky, we definitely send each other cake emojis now. Or, like the mature adults we like to think we are, we say something along of the lines of "I'm ready for sex" (sometimes while also flashing our bits) and wait for the other person to provide appropriate consent. It's 2019 after all.

Best,

Laura